Before we left for vacation, Ty told me he didn't want to leave home and that vacation would be much better if we could just move the house with us. It really made me think that home is really something he feels - not a place he goes to.
I'm grateful our home is a place where my children feel safe and loved, family gathers, friends feel comfortable, shoes can be worn, where we make messes and mistakes, sometimes it looks a little rough around the edges, it can be loud...
My family teaches me everyday that home is not a dwelling but a feeling that you only know if you have the great fortune to experience it yourself.
Sue
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
the dark
My son is afraid of the dark - I totally get it. After the closet and under the bed check - it got me thinking 'the dark' truly is a metaphor for life.
The darkness I feel when I don't know what lies ahead, the day-to-day unknowns, when I don't know how to help or what to say, words like Stage IV B Cancer - these seem to be the scary monsters that pop out of our closets. I thought as I got older, I'd have no fear and that just isn't the case.
In this world of darkness I find light - in my family, in my children's eyes, in my mother's sense of humor, in my father's way of telling a story, in the way my husband brings me a cup of coffee every morning, in my co-workers who can make me laugh until I cry, in my brother's wit and in the basic goodness of most people I meet. I think of the people in my life as lights on the road of destiny. They guide me, show me the way and keep me safe.
So, when Ty says he's afraid, I can say 'I know buddy. I know exactly how you feel and I can promise that you are safe.' I know this to be true - because I live it everyday.
Sue
The darkness I feel when I don't know what lies ahead, the day-to-day unknowns, when I don't know how to help or what to say, words like Stage IV B Cancer - these seem to be the scary monsters that pop out of our closets. I thought as I got older, I'd have no fear and that just isn't the case.
In this world of darkness I find light - in my family, in my children's eyes, in my mother's sense of humor, in my father's way of telling a story, in the way my husband brings me a cup of coffee every morning, in my co-workers who can make me laugh until I cry, in my brother's wit and in the basic goodness of most people I meet. I think of the people in my life as lights on the road of destiny. They guide me, show me the way and keep me safe.
So, when Ty says he's afraid, I can say 'I know buddy. I know exactly how you feel and I can promise that you are safe.' I know this to be true - because I live it everyday.
Sue
Friday, May 1, 2009
making peace with working
Yesterday morning I pried my little boy's fingers off my shoulders and handed him to Linnea. (Our amazing child care provider!) Took a deep breath, pulled out of the driveway and well, sobbed. Handing him off literally goes against every instinct I have. It got me to thinking that being a parent isn't a punch-in proposition -- it is truly the only full-time gig. It is all consuming -- our thoughts, plans, actions, responses, movies we pick, music we listen to, where we shop, where we eat, how much we swear! It affects every single aspect of our lives.
So, I cry, move on and make peace with my part-time career. I choose to look at it as an opportunity for our whole family to grow - within and outward. There are now more people who love our children, more friends - it's made our world bigger. It also satisfies other instincts that require attention. All in all, I feel blessed to have the opportunity to know both.
So, I cry, move on and make peace with my part-time career. I choose to look at it as an opportunity for our whole family to grow - within and outward. There are now more people who love our children, more friends - it's made our world bigger. It also satisfies other instincts that require attention. All in all, I feel blessed to have the opportunity to know both.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
legacy
My mom and I were talking about the legacies yesterday. Simply put, how we want to be remembered when we leave this earth. It became very apparent it isn't about stuff or things - it isn't about jewelry or books or furniture. It seems these mostly become a huge job for those left behind. So, we decided it's truly about how you live; how you treat those you love the most. It's about faith and grace and dignity -- only memories truly remain.
When I miss my brother, Elke and Pippa I use this amazing lotion they gave me. When my grandma is struggling I wear the necklace she loved from her 'Ray' and when my friend Kimmy is having a rough time, I slip on that amazing silver band she gave me for my birthday -- and I do this because these folks mean something to me. We crossed paths and they are dear to me.
So I'm thinking I'll say 'yes' a little more often, give my kids my full attention rather than fold laundry and make that one more call. The good news is we get many chances everyday to create our legacies - a legacy of kindness, fellowship, joy and love - and for that I'm grateful.
When I miss my brother, Elke and Pippa I use this amazing lotion they gave me. When my grandma is struggling I wear the necklace she loved from her 'Ray' and when my friend Kimmy is having a rough time, I slip on that amazing silver band she gave me for my birthday -- and I do this because these folks mean something to me. We crossed paths and they are dear to me.
So I'm thinking I'll say 'yes' a little more often, give my kids my full attention rather than fold laundry and make that one more call. The good news is we get many chances everyday to create our legacies - a legacy of kindness, fellowship, joy and love - and for that I'm grateful.
Monday, April 13, 2009
waiting
How do we weather the storm while we await life changing news, a diagnosis, a test result, 'the call' from hospice?
In some ways we are always waiting for something... work to end, play to start, vacation, retirement, a party, a paycheck, a night out...
So, I've decided to fill the 'waiting' like a glass. To let it overflow with life. To find peace in the daily routines. To pray and be present.
That's the plan.
In some ways we are always waiting for something... work to end, play to start, vacation, retirement, a party, a paycheck, a night out...
So, I've decided to fill the 'waiting' like a glass. To let it overflow with life. To find peace in the daily routines. To pray and be present.
That's the plan.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
hospice
Yesterday Jeff's Grandma went under hospice care. Oma was 91 when Jeff and I married and has just turned 101; Her life since I've known her has been slowly getting smaller and our visits fewer due to health issues. Her poor body is just tired.
No matter how old someone is, I've found, it still doesn't take away the sadness. The family we've known since the minute we were born, the staples at birthday parties and holidays, the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family...
My prayers are with Oma today, I wish her peace and hope she knows her family is with her as she gets ready to see Carl again.
Sue
No matter how old someone is, I've found, it still doesn't take away the sadness. The family we've known since the minute we were born, the staples at birthday parties and holidays, the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family...
My prayers are with Oma today, I wish her peace and hope she knows her family is with her as she gets ready to see Carl again.
Sue
Friday, April 10, 2009
pieces of quiet
6:25 am and it is still quiet in the house -- that doesn't happen too often. I've folded laundry, put on coffee, uploaded some pix, checked work/home email -- in the quiet stillness of the house.
It seems that quiet is something we crave when we don't have it and then one day I've heard houses become 'too quiet' -- after grandkids leave, when kids go off to college, when we lose someone we love...
So for me today, I will look at these pieces of quiet as tiny gifts, that are sprinkled throughout the day. Not necessarily the best part -- but a part of the many gifts I get each day being a mom right smack dab in the middle of this amazing life.
Sue
It seems that quiet is something we crave when we don't have it and then one day I've heard houses become 'too quiet' -- after grandkids leave, when kids go off to college, when we lose someone we love...
So for me today, I will look at these pieces of quiet as tiny gifts, that are sprinkled throughout the day. Not necessarily the best part -- but a part of the many gifts I get each day being a mom right smack dab in the middle of this amazing life.
Sue
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